How do you stop your daughter growing up too fast? Child psychologist Dr. Pat Spungin, suggest some ways to remind your child she is still a child.

Raisingkids member's problem
My 12 yr-old daughter looks and acts much older than she is. She has recently been seeing a 16 yr-old boy and I've discovered that she has been drinking and smoking. She was punished, and the boy has agreed to stop seeing her, but I don't know how to talk to her without pushing her away.

Dr Spungin's advice
This is a really difficult issue for parents, but very common. The most important thing is that you should be able to talk to her as well as listen to her. At 12 she is very young for such 'adult' pursuits and you are right to express your disquiet. It's difficult to keep track of her 24 hours a day, so you have to be able to trust her. Do this by making it clear what your views and expectations are and that you expect and trust her to comply.

It's vital that you stay calm, keep talking to her, but be consistent. Without lecturing, make sure she understands what your viewpoint is and that you expect her to comply. You may be in for a rocky period, but trust in her good sense and the work you have done to date and it will come out right.

I recommend looking at the large section on teenagers here at raisingkids.co.uk. There are also valuable pages on how to prevent your child smoking and drinking.

• Read Dr Spungin's Archived Answers
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