How can you convince a 12 yr-old that a gun is NEVER a toy? Dr Pat Spungin, raisingkids.co.uk's parenting expert, advises on the issue of gun safety.

Raisingkids member's problem
I have 12 yr-old who's pretty responsible compared to other children his age, and who's basically a good kid. He makes his share of mistakes like all kids but yesterday, he and a friend were home by themselves and they got a pack of cigarettes and smoked some. Then, they got his gun out and shot it.

He knows this was wrong because he has been taught gun safety but I'm not sure if he realized how much danger he put himself and his friend in. We've taken away a truck we were fixing up for him and his friend is not allowed back over. We've also told him he isn't allowed to go back there or to see his friend for a while. He's supposed to go to summer camp tomorrow but my husband thinks he shouldn't go. I'm unsure of whether to send him to camp or keep him grounded at home.

Dr Spungin's advice
Keep your eye on the main point - basically, he's a good kid. What he did was wrong and I am sure he knows it. The issue now is how to make sure he doesn't do it again. I think they were just two 12 yr-old boys experimenting and trying to impress each other with how grown-up they were. You've already punished him by taking away his truck and forbidding his friend to come over.

What you have to do now is have a good talk to him. Don't shout at him, nag or lecture him - you've probably done that already when you first found out, in the heat of the moment. Now you've got to talk to him and tell him how disappointed you are.

Explain to him calmly but firmly how dangerous what he did was. Stress how you expected him to behave responsibly and he let you down by disregarding what you said and acting foolishly. He knows he did the wrong thing, I'm sure, but you must emphasize how upset and disappointed you are. Tell him that you and his father considered forbidding him going to summer camp, but you have decided to let him go because you believe that he won't do anything as stupid again.

What you are doing is re-stating your trust in him. Your son is much more likely to do what is expected of him, if he feels that you trust him and would be disappointed if he let you down. Punishing him further will only make him feel resentful and angry.

However, I think that you must recognise that he is still a child. A 12 yr-old shouldn't have access to lethal weapons. Here in the UK, 'gun safety' means not having a gun in the house. People who do have guns keep them in a locked cabinet, so that it is impossible for an immature 12 yr-old to get hold of them.

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