Uprooting the children from home, family and friends is always worrying, especially after a divorce. Parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, suggests some strategies for cope with changes.

Raisingkids member's problem
Our whole family is moving to France within the next 3 months. How can I cope with my ll yr-old daughter during the run up to this event? To make matters more complicated, her father is staying in this country with his girlfriend. Although myself and my partner have full custody of her, I am pre-empting big arguments, which have started already!

Dr Spungin's advice
Your daughter is naturally fearful about moving away from her home, her country and her father. You can't stop her feeling that way - all you can do is talk to her and try to set her mind at ease about some of the things she's worried about.

I suggest that you find a quiet time where you can be together undisturbed and give her a chance to talk about her anxieties. Start by saying something which recognises how she feels ('I expect you have lots of worries about moving to France, don't you?') and then let her tell you what they are.

Don't reassure her that everything will be fine, rather get her to think about solutions to her concernes e.g if she says she doesn't want to leave her friends, ask her 'How do you think you can keep in touch with them when you're in France? Together, think of all the ways she can keep contact with them.

Let her do most of the suggesting. I think if she feels more in control of what will happen to her, she will be more reassured. Then say 'Now what else is worrying you?'

It may be she is scared of going to a French school. Again, together try to answer the question 'What can we do to make that easier for you?' I wish you good luck with your move. Things will be hard for your daughter for a while but the young are very resilient and modern communications - including the internet - make distances much less than they used to be.

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