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Our Experts: 11 Yr-Old Won't Sleep Alone
What do you do when your 11 yr-old daughter can't get to sleep on her
own? In this extract from our archives, parenting expert and child psychologist
Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, suggests ways to help overcome
this problem.
Raisingkids member's problem
My 11 yr-old daughter has never gone
to sleep in her own room since we moved house 5 years ago. Since then,
she only sleeps there if a friend stays, or if I stay with her until she
falls asleep. If she wakes up in the night, she comes and calls me to
get into her bed or lies down on the floor in our bedroom. She regularly
sleeps on the floor of her 14 yr-old sister's room (although my eldest
gets very fed up with it).
Last year we re-decorated her room to help her
feel it was 'hers' and she has all her toys and books there with her.
I'm at a loss as to what else I can do. When we first moved house it was
a somewhat traumatic time for her, but she seems otherwise happy and settled
now.
Dr Spungin's advice
Get your daughter to 'own the problem' by talking to her and involving
her in finding the solution. Explain that the whole family finds it a
nuisance when she disturbs them in the night, and it's no longer OK with
you. Get her to agree that she would like to be able to sleep all night
alone, in her own bedroom.
Ask her to think of suggestions for ways to break the habit and fix a
date by which she will have solved the problem. List her ideas and discuss
each one, if necessary. Agree that when she comes to your bedroom (or
her sister's), she can't stay and must go back to bed. If necessary, take
her back yourself immediately, even though this will mean several broken
nights for you. Do whatever she wants to make it easier for her, like
leaving lights on, leaving your bedroom door open, etc., but get her to
agree that she will stay in her own room.
Don't expect overnight miracles but this technique should pay off with
perseverance. Good luck!
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