Arguing With Children - What NOT To Say
 Nobody
can keep a cool head all the time but if you try and bear these points
in mind, family arguments can end quicker and be patched up sooner. Remember
it's impossible to be a perfect parent!
When arguing about something, don't launch an
all-out attack on your child's attitude, behaviour or personality. Concentrate
on the immediate problem. If you start practicing this technique now,
tackling major issues when your child is older will be much easier.
Talk about what your child does, not what
she is
Stick to the specific behaviour you don't like and talk about that. Be
emphatic about what you expect and what you feel, but stay cool. A polite
request stating your own position is more likely to have an effect than
name-calling.
Don't say:
'You're so spiteful to your little brother. You're always picking on her.'
Do say:
'It upsets me when you tease your brother. I would like you to try and
get along together without fighting.'
Avoid
'always' and 'never'
Usually when people lose their tempers,
they tend to overstate their case. Avoid saying 'you always' and 'you
never' e.g. 'You never clean up after yourself' 'You always lie to me'
'You're always nasty to your sister' 'You always look a mess'. Your child
knows that it is unjust (and only occasionally true) and will bitterly
resent it. 'Tell me how bad I am, but don't be surprised if I get worse'
is a likely response.
Don't say 'you' - say 'I'
Instead of saying 'You're so spiteful'
say 'I'd like you to try and be pleasant to your sister.' Or instead of
saying 'You are so messy' say, 'I don't like it when I trip over your
school bag. I want you to put it in your bedroom when you come home'.
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