Arguing With The Under-10s
 Unless
you and your children are saints, at times you will lose your temper at
each other and say things that you regret.
You may simply regret your loss of control. Always
apologise if you are in the wrong. It's a good lesson for your child to
learn. Don't panic and assume you're a rotten parent... absolutely nobody
is calm and reasonable all of the time.
Stay
calm and in control
When two people lose their temper and start to shout at each other, the
possibility of sorting out the problem that caused the argument disappears.
In anger, things are often said that are best left unsaid. Shouting makes
it harder to listen, not easier, but if one person stays cool and in control,
the other person is likely to cool down as well.
Don't always be the winner
Sometimes you are right, but it's best
not to say 'I told you so'. What if your daughter leaves her toys lying
around underfoot? When they are stepped on and break, she'll know it was
a stupid thing to do and will appreciate the fact that you don't remind
her.
Talk about what your child does, not what she is
Stick to the specific behaviour you don't like and talk about that. Be emphatic about what you expect and what you feel, but stay cool. A polite request stating your own position is more likely to have an effect than name-calling.
Don't say:
'You're so spiteful to your little brother. You're always picking on her.'
Do say:
'It upsets me when you tease your brother. I would like you to try and get along together without fighting.'
Avoid 'always' and 'never'
Usually when people lose their tempers, they tend to overstate their case. Avoid saying 'you always' and 'you never' e.g. 'You never clean up after yourself' 'You always lie to me' 'You're always nasty to your sister' 'You always look a mess'. Your child knows that it is unjust (and only occasionally true) and will bitterly resent it. 'Tell me how bad I am, but don't be surprised if I get worse' is a likely response.
Don't say 'you' - say 'I'
Instead of saying 'You're so spiteful' say 'I'd like you to try and be pleasant to your sister.' Or instead of saying 'You are so messy' say, 'I don't like it when I trip over your school bag. I want you to put it in your bedroom when you come home'.
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