This method of listening is adapted from 'How to Talk so Kids Will Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk' by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

It discourages parents from jumping in with their own opinions, solutions, criticisms, orders, and so on, and asks them simply to listen to their child and then... listen some more. By careful listening, you show respect for your pre-teen's feelings and give some space to explore the problem and maybe reach a solution.

Active listening involves only 3 steps

• Pay Attention
  The first step in active listening is to be attentive. Stop whatever it is you're doing and give your child with your full attention.
• Acknowledge What Is Said With A Brief Listening Response
  e.g. 'Yeah?...' 'Oh,...' 'Mmmm...' and then wait. Don't jump in with advice, solutions, put downs, lectures or sermons. Your noncommittal response allows your child to continue to explore her own thoughts and feelings.
• Name The Feeling
  Underlying many things your child says to you is an unexpressed feeling. To enable your child to express the feeling, give the feeling a name.

For example...

• Child: This homework is stupid.
• Parent: Mmm?...
• Child: I'll never be able to do it.
• Parent: Sounds like you've got a problem with it.
• Child: Yeah, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.
• Parent: Sounds like you need some help?
• Child: Uh-huh... (expresses what he's upset about)

This mother listened and allowed her child to express her anxieties. She didn't butt in with reassurances e.g. 'You don't need to worry about that!' nor orders 'Just get on with it!' nor did she deny her child's feelings 'I'm sure you'll manage'. By naming feelings, she encouraged her to talk through her worries.