4-9 Yrs: Listening Is An Active Process
Listening is the one thing children wish their parents would do more
of. Listening is not the same as hearing.
Father:
'I hear what you say.'
Son: 'Yes, but you're not listening.'
See
what I mean?
The words are going in, but the father
is not making an effort to understand what his son really means. To get
the full meaning of what someone is saying, it's necessary to listen actively.
Active listening involves such things as asking questions and checking
out what you've heard - e.g. 'Are you saying that she's upset you?' -
with the purpose of fully understanding the other person's viewpoint.
Listening is not the same as agreeing
As you listen to your child you may realise
that you are never going to agree with him. But don't stop listening.
When he has finished, state briefly and unemotionally what you think he
has said - e.g. 'So you think granny's house is boring.'
Then get him to agree that you have properly
understood. Then tell him that you do understand, but you still don't
agree. He won't like it; he will probably accuse you of not listening,
but at least you have done him the courtesy of listening properly and
it is possible that you'll get some credit for that.
On a more positive note, more often than not,
active listening allows you to see some of the logic and value in the
other person's point of view. Assuming right is not all on one side, you
can then negotiate to reach a compromise - even with a small child, sometimes.
We have two ears and one mouth.
We should use them in proportion.
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