Under-10s
& A New Arrival
New baby on the way? Once your children are past their 7th birthday
or thereabouts, they're are old enough to know it's proof their parents
have had sex... Gross!
Although
they considers themselves very grown-up, under-10s are still children
underneath, worried you'll love them less when the baby comes and anxious
about the changes it brings.
Tell
them before others do
Far better the news comes from you than from someone else. Tell your child
before the world knows. Remember to let them know when you plan to tell
other people so they can plan their own announcements to friends accordingly.
Keep
a sense of humour
A smile can make the telling easier and keeps tension down. It also gives
children a useful cover to hide their own initial shock or embarrassment.
Understand
your pre-teen's shock
Unless you're already a large family, a new sibling is the last thing
older children expect to have to deal with. They'll probably be taken
aback and may act tough, saying they doesn't care. Part of them probably
feels excited at the news, while another part's anxious and concerned.
Under-10s don't like the idea of their parents having sex - well, did
you like the idea with YOUR parents? - and now the reality is being forced
upon them. What
will their friends say? How will it change their life? Will you love them
less, especially if the new baby's a stepsibling? Will you still have
time for them? Why are you inflicting this on them?
Time
to think
Give them time to come to grips with it. Don't expect them to share their
feelings with you straight away. Children of this age need time to absorb
the news and may shrug off any questions. Let them deal with their feelings
alone for a while.
If
it's a stepsibling, your child may even want to spend time with the other
parent for a while. Don't feel rejected. It's important to let your child
have space to think.
Answer
their questions
Your children will often have questions about the changes a new baby will
bring. Will they have to share a bedroom? Can you still take them swimming?
Or to visit friends? Be as honest and direct as you can.
Don't anticipate problems
Once over the initial surprise, most
children begin to look forward to the new arrival. Help your pre-teen
feel part of the excitement and involve them with preparations. Look forward
to the deep bond that often develops between older and younger siblings.
The bigger age gap often means less sibling rivalry than between 'conventionally
spaced' brothers and sisters.
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