First of all, you need to accept that children may never 'love' their stepsiblings. Give up any idea that they will become as close as 'real' brothers and sisters and concentrate on findings ways of peaceful co-existence.

No choice in the matter
You chose your partner. Your children did not choose your partner's kids! If you've ever shared a house, remember how difficult flatmates can be? And you usually have some say in choosing a flatmate.

Work on getting them to live together in peace
Listen to both sides, not only your child's. You have understood what is at the basis of their (probably mutual) dislike, so call a family meeting to discuss the situation. The most important thing here is to ban all name-calling, criticising and other negative behaviour.

Insist that since they live under the same roof, they must find a way of living together. Get them to list the things that cause the most friction. Ask them to choose the two or three that cause most arguments to find ways of resolving the problem.

Present a united front
Despite your natural inclinations, you and your partner must at all costs avoid getting drawn into the conflict. Though you may act as impartial referees, the onus is on them to resolve their differences.

Understand your children's feelings
In stepfamilies, the stresses of ordinary family life are multiplied, especially in the early days. A new stepbrother or stepsister can be seen as an invader, especially if they move into a child's family home. Stepsiblings come together with different expectations, family habits and rules.

Jealousy can erupt over issues of space, possessions, age differences and the inevitable rivalry for parents' love. Until a new way of living together develops these conflicts are almost inevitable.

A ready-made target
You've got to expect some squabbling. After a busy day at school, built-up tension must be released, and this often happens at home. A stepsibling - the resident enemy - is an easy target for attack in these situations.