Your 7 yr-old thinks you're both the greatest people in the world. You're the centre of her life.

A child of this age will have trouble accepting that the people she loves the most don't love each other any more. Divorce or separation can be hard on all of you. How can you minimise the hurt?

Understand her grief
She's scared of the changes that a breakup may bring and may blame you for upsetting her life. Encourage her to express her feelings, even if it makes you feel guilty or defensive.

She may blame herself and think her naughtiness has caused the breakup. Be alert for her anxieties that somehow she's responsible. Let her know it's OK to feel sad or even angry towards the both of you.

Answer her questions
Your 7 yr-old will have questions about the effect of the divorce on her life that should be dealt with as early as possible - Where will I live? Who will I live with? What about school? Can I still see my friends? Will we be poor? Can I keep my pet?

Decide your answers in advance. Don't fight about them in front of her. Keep her life as stable as possible and focus on the things that won't change, particularly her relationship with the parent who is leaving the family home.

Don't undermine your ex
Avoid venting your anger to your children or in their presence, even if you're 'the wronged party'. Don't try to turn them against the other parent. They need and love you both, and want to know you'll both still be there for them.

Let your children know you don't want them to take sides. Remember that they need to hear, over and over again, that they still have both a Mum and a Dad who will always love and take care of them.

Hard - but important - lessons
Set a good example of managing conflict. Divorce handled well can be a lesson in how to manage the changes life brings, particularly for older primary school age children. Children whose parents have divorced on good terms can learn to approach difficulties with courage and optimism.

• Unmarried Fathers Rights
• Parenting Skills: More Advice On Talking Problems Through
• Support Organisations: Single Parents