Parenting Expert: Making Friends
What should you do if your otherwise happy child is finding it difficult to make friends at school? Dr. Pat Spungin, raisingkids.co.uk's resident
child psychologist, offers advice to the mother of a seven-year-old.
Raisingkids member's problem
My seven-year-old son is very confident when talking to adults and loves school when in lessons. The problem is at playtime. He says that nobody wants to play with him, they don't want to play his games and won't let him play theirs because he doesn't understand them. Their games are based around Lord of the Rings, Spider-Man - we won't let him watch them as we feel he is too young. We have an additional problem in that he has been diagnosed as suffering from sleep apnea and is very tired at the end of the school day, so inviting any potential friends back for tea is a problem. He belongs to Beavers, which he loves, but again isn't making friends. I know seven is still young to make proper friends but my boy was in tears tonight as it is making him very sad.
Dr Spungin's advice
I can appreciate your dilemma; I agree with you that if you think these films are not appropriate to his age, then you are right not to allow him to watch them. This has created a problem because they form the basis of many playground games.
Find A Like Mind
What your son needs is just one or two other boys - or girls - who share his interests. If I were in your shoes I would talk to his class teacher. Get her opinion and see what she suggests. Usually in a class of 30 or so there are a variety of personalities, not all interested in Lord of the Rings or football. She will know the interests of the other children in the class and could suggest a potential playmate. She might even put them together in the class to see if she can get a friendship going.
Out-Of-School Friends
Does he have friends outside of school, cousins of his age, any other children with whom he has good relations? If he has, try not to worry. Reassure him that he is the kind of boy that others want to be friendly with. Invite classmates home so he can build relationships with children of his own age on his own turf. Since after school is not very easy, use the holidays and weekends. Try not to show your son that you are anxious about it, as it may make him feel he is disappointing you too.
Like Mother Like Son?
Another approach might be to look for mums like yourself at the school gate. They will most likely bring their children up in the same way and have interests other than Lord of the Rings etc.so your children will be similar and have similar interests.
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