It's understandable when a frustrated parent gives in to the temptation to smack. Dr. Pat Spungin, Raisingkids' resident child psychologist, explains how to encourage children to behave better with out resorting to corporal punishment.

Raisingkids member's problem
The other day, I smacked my eight yr-old daughter for cheeking me at the table. Im worried I've got into a habit of smacking both my children and I dont like myself for doing it. They just make me see red when they won't do what I want. I never used to be an angry person before I had kids.

Dr Spungin's advice
You say 'They just make me see red when they won't do what I want' and this is the nub of your problem.

There are ways other than smacking to get your children to do as you say and you need to find more constructive ways of getting things done. I suggest two methods:

• Rather than smacking, use other punishments e.g. restricting their favourite television shows, refusing to take them somewhere they want to go or sending them off for 'time out'.
  
  If they are doing something you don't like give them ONE warning and, if they don't stop, impose the punishment. This avoids you getting into a temper since you deal with it when you are still calm.
  
  Don't change your mind and compromise if they nag. That only teaches them that if they nag long enough they will get what they want. Be firm and consistent.
  
  
• Rather than punishing them for what they do wrong try to 'catch them doing something right' and give them an acknowledgement that you have noticed. For example, if they stay at the table until they have finished eating and help clear off, then say 'Thank you for helping clear off the table, I appreciate that. It's much easier if we all do it together'.

The overall aim is to build up good behaviour by acknowledging and praising, rather than driving out bad behaviour by smacking.

You can find more advice about how to encourage good behaviour without resorting to a smack on the NSPCC website at: www.nspcc.org.uk/html/home/needadvice/
encouragingbetterbehaviour.htm.

If you think talking to someone in confidence would help, the NSPCC Child Protection Helpline on 0808 800 5000 is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. All calls are free, unless youre calling from a mobile phone.

• Read Dr Spungin's Archived Answers
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