Starting school can be an anxious time for a 4 yr-old and worries about 'accidents' in the classroom can make it worse. Raisingkids.co.uk's child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin suggests what may be at the root of the worry and how to break the anxiety cycle.

Raisingkids member's problem
My daughter, who recently started school, has become obsessed with going to the toilet just in case she has an accident in class. When I take her to school in the morning I make sure she has been to the toilet before we go, but the minute we pull up outside school she starts to cry saying she's desperate to visit the toilet before class. The teacher has also mentioned that she gets upset worrying that she might not get to the toilet at playtime and dinnertime.

I've taken her to the doctor and ruled out any physical problems and it's making my usually happy little girl very miserable, I've tried talking to, and reassuring her that if she does have an accident it doesn't matter. I've even got friends to meet her at the school gate to distract her, but all to no avail. She's never had a problem like this before and I know starting school is a big thing for a 4 yr-old, but she did attend pre-school and never had any problems there. Please could you give me some advice on helping her overcome this problem?

Dr Spungin's advice
You are right to say that moving to school is a 'big thing' and puts a lot of pressure on 4-5 yr-olds. I think your daughter is expressing some of her anxiety about school by focusing on the possibility that she may wet herself in the classroom.

However, knowing what's behind this problem doesn't necessarily help with finding a solution. I suggest you carry on with the reassurance. When she gets to school, just take her to the toilet without saying anything about it or making it into a big deal. Ensure she has a change of underwear so if she does have an accident, she will have clean clothing to change into.

One suggestion is to try - at home, at the weekend - to show her that she can go for a fixed amount of time without having to go to the toilet. This will give some perspective to her anxiety, which at the moment is exaggerated. Hopefully, you can build her confidence like this. When she sees that her worst fear isn't quite as bad as she imagines, her anguish will slowly diminish.

As with all things to do with young children, the more relaxed you appear to be about it, the more relaxed she'll become. The problem will pass as she gets used to school.

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