What do you do if your child demands your attention every minute of the day? Raisingkids.co.uk's child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin advises how to teach your children it's unfair to keep interrupting you.

Raisingkids member's problem
My 4 yr-old son seems to want attention 100% of the time. He doesn't really play on his own, preferring to play and chat with us. He also interrupts quite often. When we ask him to let us finish or to play on his own, he interrupts or comes back after a matter of minutes. This chips away at me until I explode because I feel I'm not going to be able to finish a sentence to my husband, and of course I feel terrible about it. I have recently had a period of being preoccupied by a difficult task for about a fortnight. Any suggestions?

Dr Spungin's advice
There's no magic wand solution for persistent interruption. The situation has built up over time and the solution will take time too. It's important to persevere, because when he's at school your son will need to know how to get attention without interrupting people, and how to do things by himself. Two is better than one - you say he doesn't really play on his own, preferring to play and chat with you - this is easy to understand. It's more fun being with someone else than playing by himself.

Try to wean him off the need for your complete attention, but start slowly. In the beginning, don't expect him to be able to occupy himself alone for a long time. Offer him your presence but not your attention - young children are often happy to play alongside. Could he play alongside you, without actually involving you? For example, if you're working at the table, let him do a jigsaw or colouring alongside you, on the understanding that you are both 'working' and won't interrupt each other.

Persevere - ignore the irritating stuff (as far as you can) and build up any positive movements by acknowledgment and praise. Try to catch him doing something right. If he interrupts say 'Shhh, we're working.' When you've finished, be sure to praise him and thank him courteously for allowing you to get on.

Explain that he has his time with you and Daddy doesn't interrupt. When it's Daddy's time, he shouldn't interrupt either, that's what 'big people do'. Make a policy not to respond to interruptions except by saying 'Wait until I have finished.' Repeat it over and over again if needs be. Stay calm, pause, look him in the eye and say 'I'll be with you in a minute.' Ignore the interruption. Don't reinforce his interruption by giving him your attention, even if it is angry attention. Help him learn to wait. Give him your watch and tell him that when the finger reaches a particular place, then you'll be able to talk to him. If he does wait, praise him for his patience and manners. Teach him to say 'excuse me' and then to wait until you've finished. For each step in the right direction let him know how pleased you are with his new 'grown-up' behaviour. See our Parenting Skills section for some useful pointers on how to praise your toddler.

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