Toddler
Likes The Baby But Is Angry With ME!
Look at it from your eldest's point of view.
You're the one who brought the baby into the
house. You're the one who has less time for them. You're the one who is
giving far too much attention to the interloper. Of course your toddler's
angry with you!
Feeling
angry with a powerful parent can be a frightening thing for a toddler.
Toddlers may fear that these strong feelings will cause you to be angry
with - or reject - them, especially now you have a new baby.
it's OK to be angry with you
Reassure your child that you understand
these feelings and that it is OK to be angry. Just saying it in a calm
way will reassure them e.g. 'I know you're angry with me for spending
so much time with the baby'. At the same time, toddlers need to be told
that they are still very special to you. Give your eldest time to accept
the presence of another child who makes demands on your time.
Actions
speak louder than words
There's a basis to your toddler's anger. Once he had you all to himself,
now he has to share. Your eldest wants your attention - to chat to you,
sing, joke, fool around, go to the park etc. -whatever you used to do
before the new baby came. While you are tending to the baby's physical
needs, you can be interacting with your toddler. While changing the baby,
you can BOTH sing to the baby, you can chat about what you are doing and
your toddler can help you by bringing things. Make a space in your day
so that your eldest can enjoy your undivided attention ('our time') and
stick to it.
Don't blame the baby...
Don't say 'the baby' is the reason for not being able to do things with
him. If you are constantly saying things like, 'We can't go to the park
because I have to take the baby to the clinic' or 'Don't make too much
noise; the baby is sleeping.' your eldest will feel that 'the baby' is
taking you away. Instead say things like 'We'll all go to the park in
half an hours time' or 'Shall we have a nice quiet read together?'
Don't compare
If toddlers know that you still have lots of time
for them, eventually they come to accept the situation. Don't say that
you love your eldest more than the baby. Comparisons in love are always
to be avoided. If you indicate that you measure your love, your child
will always be looking for indications as to which one you love most.
The important thing for you is to recognise and value the uniqueness of
each of your children.
|
