Praise is a powerful tool but many parents have misconceptions about what it does and how it works.

Praise encourages motivation and confidence, but a surprising number of people think it's the cause of jealousy, laziness and resentment. What are the most common assumptions about praise?

'There's no need to say anything'
If things are going well, you may think there's no need to say anything. This attitude can be summed up as 'if I don't say anything, then everything's OK'. What this really means is 'I'll only say something when there is something to criticise'.

'If I say 'well done', they'll stop trying'
Do you think that if you compliment your children they'll slack off? If we are praised for a job well done, it generally encourages us to do better, not worse. The disappointment we feel when good work is not recognised gives rise to the feeling 'why should I bother if nobody notices?'

'If I praise one, the others will be jealous'
If you are honest and fair in your praise and recognise the special talents of each child, they won't resent praise given to their siblings. Each will feel valued for the unique individuals they are. Children who feel good about themselves are usually generous in their praise of other people.

Never use praise of one as a way of implicitly criticising another e.g. 'you're always so cheerful...' with its implied message '... unlike your moody brother'.

'What if there's nothing to praise?'
There is always something to praise. You have to catch your child doing something right. Have a positive attitude to the things he does and remember the praise must always be genuine. Your child will quickly sense when you are phoney