Praise is one of the most powerful tools parents have. It's a far better encouragement than sweets or treats - and doesn't cost a penny. But it's important that you use it properly. Praising children for what they have done can help them their own inner standards and convictions.

Describe the good things you see
Say your child's got dressed without help, making some right choices (warm trousers and socks) and one wrong choice (a thin jumper). For positive praise, focus on the accomplishments, and ignore the mistakes e.g.

'You've chosen just the right trousers for this cold day. When it's cold we need heavier clothing. Shall we get a heavier jumper as well? Will you go and choose one?'

It's not what you do, it's the way that you do it...
How often have we said 'That's nice' without really looking? Even toddlers can sense that you are praising on autopilot.

Speak about what they DO, not what they ARE
Psychologists believe that praise which makes judgements about a child can sometimes backfire. When you say things like 'You're always so kind', your child may feel concerned that she doesn't deserve this kind of praise. She knows she's unkind somtimes and often downright selfish. She may be troubled by the thought that if you really knew her, you would be disappointed in her.

On the other hand, noticing what she does and praising specific achievements is easy to accept. Don't tell your child how good/kind/clever she is - start noticing the things she is good at, her unique skills and abilities. If she colours in her picture carefully, don't tell her she's 'clever' but say that keeping within the lines must have been difficult and to do it without asking for help was an achievement. She knows she did well and recognises your praise has been earned and not automatically given.

Finally, 4 key points

• Be Positive - pay attention to good behaviour not bad.
• Be Specific - describe what you appreciate.
• Praise What They Do - not what they are.
• Encourage your children to praise siblings and friends.