Parenting Preschoolers: 3 Steps To Active Listening
This method of listening is adapted from How to Talk so Kids Will
Listen And Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
If you begin 'active listening' when your children
are little, it will stand you in good stead for later! Remember to gear
your approach to the age of your child and start small. Don't expect active
listening to work first time.
Why does
it work? It discourages parents from jumping in
with their own opinions, solutions, criticisms, orders, and so on, and
asks them simply to listen to their child and then... listen some more.
By careful listening, you show respect
for your child's feelings and give some space to explore the problem and
maybe reach a solution.
Active listening involves only 3 steps
Pay Attention
The first step in active listening is to be attentive. Stop whatever
it is you're doing and give your child with your full attention.
Acknowledge What Is Said With A Brief Listening
Response
e.g. 'Yeah?...' 'Oh,...' 'Mmmm...' and then wait. Don't jump in with
advice, solutions, put downs, lectures or sermons. Your non-committal
response allows your child to continue to explore her own thoughts and
feelings.
Name The Feeling Underlying many things your child says
to you is an unexpressed feeling. To enable your child to express the
feeling, give the feeling a name.
For example...
Child: Won't! I'm tired.
Parent: Mmm?...
Child: I'm too tired to go to playgroup.
Parent: Sounds like you don't want
to go.
Child: No, I don't. I don't like it
anymore.
Parent: Sounds like you're worried
about something?
Child: Uh-huh... (expresses what he's
upset about)
This parent listened and allowed her child to
express his anxieties. She didn't butt in with reassurances - 'You'll
be fine when you get there' - nor orders - 'You have to go' - nor did
she deny her child's feelings - 'You can't be tired, you've just had a
nap'. By naming feelings, she encouraged him to talk through his worries.
