1-4 Yrs: Don't Give Your Child A 'Label'
For Life
'Keep on telling me what I am, and that's what I'll become' ...so be
careful how you describe your children.
Try to remember that even very small children
understand more than you realise, and absorb ideas from what they over
hear (it's also a good idea to watch your language around toddlers, who
are adept at picking up inappropriate new phrases).
Overheard
but understood
Listen to what family members say about each other.
Consider the nicknames, the stories told about each other and the jokes.
These are the signs that family members are cast into roles and given
labels to match. 'Oh, he's the clever one in the family but he's got no
common sense', 'She's a bit of a tearaway' 'My youngest is such a scaredy
cat, she's nervous about absolutely everything!'
Labelling
is disabling
Although it may be true that your child
is more fearful than other children, for example, labelling him as 'fearful'
may make things worse. Labels - good or bad, become a part of the child's
self image. Although a label may start with a germ of truth in it, it
quickly acquires its own force. A 'clumsy' child becomes apprehensive
about picking up something delicate and in a state of nervousness, drops
it. More proof that he is clumsy!
Good labels, bad labels, labels in pairs
Parents often label their children by comparing and contrasting them.
First children are often 'nervous and shy' and their younger siblings
'outgoing and sociable'. Some labels link the child to another member
of the family. 'You're just like your father.' Sometimes the labels are
given affectionately but convey equally powerful messages. 'You're such
a butterfingers!' 'My son, the urban terrorist!'
Even
good can be bad
Positive as well as negative labels have their downside. A child constantly
labelled as the 'responsible one' in the family, feels he always has to
be on his best behaviour. His 'real self' is both responsible and reckless.
Sometimes he feels the desire to break out and be irresponsible but the
label inhibits him. He may also fear that his parents only like the responsible
boy and if they see the 'real boy' they won't like it or him.
Mixed messages
A label may fulfil a need of the parents.
Sometimes an apparently negative label conveys a mixed message. The parents
of an 'urban terrorist' may be secretly proud of his energy and recklessness.
A 'fearful' child calls out strong nurturing instincts. He looks to his
parents for help. Ask yourself if you like having your son turn to you
for reassurance. If so, try to wean him away from his reliance on you
and help him stand on his own two feet!
|
