Babyish
Behaviour? Why Toddlers Regress
Does your toddler seem to have taken several steps backwards since
the new baby came? Should you be worried?
No.
Many children - especially those too young to talk about it - react to
a new baby by going back to being a baby themselves. It's perfectly normal
and once they gets used to the baby being there, they go back to more
'grown up' ways.
Why
do they want to be a baby again?
It certainly looks like being a baby is a better deal than being a big
brother or sister. After all, babies cry all the time, dirty themselves,
don't have to feed themselves and still get lots more attention.
Regression: Common signs
Common signs are bed-wetting, crying,
whining and tantrums. A toilet-trained child may slip back again. Toddlers
may demand to sleep in a cot again, or want to be spoon-fed after months
of being proud to feed themselves. They often show their need for attention
by going back to crawling, demanding to be carried, or pushing the baby
off your lap. These are all signs that the new baby is making your toddler
insecure. They want more of your attention to reassure themselves of their
place in the family.
Accept it... for a while
Let your toddler regress into babyish behaviour, but give lots of praise - and attention - for being 'grown-up'.
Your child sees the new baby's infantile behaviour drawing concern and attention from adults, and imagines that this is the baby's 'reward' for crying all night, wetting himself etc. Encourage your toddler to take pride in being able to do lots of things that the baby can't do.
'Bigger' doesn't mean 'better'
Don't urge toddlers to be a 'big girl' or boy. They don't want to be 'big', they want to be the limelight-stealing baby. If you criticise babyish behaviour harshly, your toddler may feel that any lapses or backsliding will make them less unlovable.
Support 'grown up' behaviour
The trick to encouraging toddlers to leave babyish behaviour behind is to give them pride in their status as a capable, growing child. Accept babyish ways but strongly reinforce more mature behaviour when it occurs.
Don't compare with the baby
Beware of negative comparisons with the baby. Don't try to build the confidence of the older child by diminishing the younger one. It's not necessary and sets a bad precedent.
Don't say: 'Well done. You sat at the table and ate very nicely and the baby can't even sit up yet.'
Do say: 'You've got very good table manners and I'm especially impressed by the way you've learned to use a fork.'
Praise your toddler without referring to the baby at all.
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