Leaving home is a frequent threat but not often a reality! It's more usual to find parents complaining of the 'boomerang effect' - when your grown-up children just keep on returning to the family home.

What can you do if your child wants to move out before you feel they are ready? What can yo do if they storm out after a row? And how on earth can you persuade 20-somethings to stand on their own two feet without making them feel rejected?

Want to leave home? Call their bluff
'For what its worth I think you should call his bluff... if you don't help financially the going will be tough. Don't argue, flatter him a bit (that will catch him off guard), tell him that he is intelligent and mature and that if he has done all his sums and is confident that he can manage on his own then you will support his decision. Tell him that you won't give him financial help and that you will miss him terribly then sit back and wait. By leaving the decision making up to him you will have given him a way to back down without losing face. My guess is that he will find the responsibility a bit scary and when he realises you are giving him the freedom to make his own decisions and he might think twice.'
Thanks to Raisingkids' Member suzie 17 Jan 2002

Counting the cost
'...our son, now almost 18, KNEW that he wanted to leave school and he KNEW that he could get a job and he KNEW that he could cope with life in a place of his own. We tried to keep the conversation as civilised as possible and told him to check out how much he would earn, mentioned deductions that would come from his gross pay, told him to check out the costs involved in renting a room, at the same time making it plain that he would have to be responsible for his own finances - and that included rent, food, heating etc.

We gave him a week and then mentioned an alternative that seemed to give him the freedom that he HAD to have. This was a Foundation course at college. As he is under 19, there were no fees involved and it was a requirement that Foundation students live on campus. We knew that paying his living costs at college would be more costly than having him at home but this way he would still be working towards a qualification. His first reaction was to reject the idea but after conversations with several mates who were at college, he decided that it would be 'okay'.'
Thanks to Raisingkids' member don 17 Jan 2001

Still at home? Making them pay their way
'What people get for free they don't value. Make sure that he appreciates what he is getting, by fixing an amount that is realistic... I'm very tough now because I have learned the hard way.'
Thanks to Raisingkids' Member Phil 24 Oct 2001

'Dividing the household bills means taking equal responsibility for generating those bills in the first place? If your teenager realises wasting fuel = paying bigger bills then he is going to think twice before going out and leaving all the lights on, or leaving the central heating on all day in an empty house. If the point of the exercise is teaching him about his responsibilities then cause-and-effect is a better lesson than a flat fee.'
Thanks to Raisingkids' Member Paul 05 Nov 2001

Have you been in this situation? What did you do?
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