'You treat this place like a hotel!' Do you finally understand how your own parents felt when they shouted this at you?

You and your home have been the centre of your child's world since he was born, so it is natural to feel a little rejected when he begins to pull away. Try to accept that some distancing is a healthy and normal development as he prepares to enter adulthood.

However, this doesn't mean you have to accept behaviour that is potentially harmful to him or in blatant disregard of agreed rules.

Negotiate and keep rules to a minimum
Agree consequences for broken rules
The fewer rules you have, the more likely your teen is to respect and follow them, particularly if he understands the rationale behind them. Discuss how lack of sleep can affect schoolwork and health. Be prepared to give a little in return for his cooperation. For example, consider a slightly later curfew on Friday and Saturday nights if he will agree to fewer nights out during the school week. Discuss possible occasions when these rules may be bent. Agree consequences for breaking rules at other times.

Leave no room for misinterpretation
Be very clear about your expectations. Don't tell him to 'come home early' on school nights, which leaves considerable room for misinterpretation - deliberate or otherwise!

Instead, clarify the specific time that you expect him to be home. Ask him to ring if he's going to be late, so that you won't worry, but don't let him make it a habit. It's considerate to call but it's better to be back on time.

Encourage hanging out at your home
Try to create a welcoming environment for your teen and his friends in your home, and provide some privacy if possible. Within reason, give your teen freedom to arrange and decorate 'his space'. Again, it is important to negotiate house rules and clarify expectations. Discuss noise level rules and alcohol or smoking limits. Be firm on what constitutes acceptable behaviour and what you consider to be 'over the line'.

Within these boundaries, be tolerant and fair. There will undoubtedly be moments when you question your sanity, but most parents find that the ultimate benefits of being able to keep an eye on your teen and his friends under your roof are well worth the occasional inconvenience.

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