If one of your children is a high-achiever, do you worry about the other one? Can growing up in the shadow of a clever sibling damage a child's self-esteem? How can you avoid it?

A clever child is the source of a great deal of parental pride, but be careful how you show it. If one child's always in the limelight, the other will be in the shade.

Watch yourself!
Try not to boast about the 'gifted' child's achievements in front of the other, but take care with more subtle signs too. Do you ever ask difficult questions, just so you can marvel at one child's intelligence? If they're both out with you, do you point things out to the high-flier rather than other? If your less-academic child gives an opinion on something, do you listen with the same attention? Do you ever stop listening to one when your 'mini-Einstein' speaks?

These are all ways of reinforcing the talented child's sense of their own ability. You're also implying your other child has less interesting things to say, and that you think they won't be able to understand some things nor appreciate them like their gifted sibling.

Different strokes for different folks
Children compare with each other. They make judgments about which talents and abilities are important, based on what their parents say. If your children feels being clever is the most important measure of someone's worth, then they may feel less worthy if they are less clever. Cleverness is only one talent of many. Unfortunately for children, it's often the one that seems most important, because they spend so much of their time at school.

Children with high-achieving siblings want to be valued for themselves, and have their unique and special qualities recognised and acknowledged. Ask yourself what special qualities make your child who he is. These qualities may be things that you take for granted, like having a wicked sense of humour or the ability to make friends. Practical skills like cookery, organisational abilities, being a sympathetic listener or keeping people entertained are all talents children can build on and make their own.

But be sure
You must be convinced in your own mind that each of your children's qualities are equally special in their own right. If not, you're short-changing them. Don't forget that success in life is about much more than being clever. Many people have achieved great success by talents other than the ability to pass exams - Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, Winston Churchill among many others.

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