You & Your Teens: Favouritism?
Are you biased towards one of your children? Favouritism is one of
the hardest things for a parent to admit, even to themselves.
But
perhaps your daughter keeps saying that you love her brother more than
you love her? And deep down, maybe you admit your son is easier to get
on with?
As
children develop their own personalities, a natural warmth may grow between
one child and a parent. They may have the same outlook on life, similar
interests or a shared sense of fun. This may lead to accusations of favouritism.
Recognise
The Situation
All children claim 'It's not fair', but you know favouritism is an issue,
if one of your children is forever saying things like, 'You always take
his side.' 'I get blamed for everything.' or as in your daughter's case
'You love him more than you love me.'
Listen
to your daughter's complaints and ask yourself if it's true. Do you spend
more time with him? Do you feel a special closeness to him? It may be
hard to accept but recognising the truth is the first step to doing something
about it.
What
you feel and what you do
You can't change the way you feel, but you can do something about the
way you act on those feelings. If you're honest enough to admit your feelings,
then you're in a position to protect your less favoured child. If there
is a bias in your behaviour, take steps to be fairer in future.
See it as she sees it
If it's not true that he is your favourite,
ask yourself why she feels this way? Do you take his side in their quarrels?
Do you think that he needs more help than she does? Does he lack confidence
and do you make more of an effort to acknowledge his achievements, for
that reason? All of this may look to her, as if you give him more attention
and more love.
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