What
To Do Instead Of Comparing Your Teens
If comparing is counter-productive, what should you do in its place?
How can you help your child be 'less naughty' without comparing?
Tell
him about what you notice, what you feel about certain types of behaviour
and what it is you expect.
Notice
the good behaviour
Decide what behaviour you want to see less of and try where possible to
ignore that behaviour. Concentrate on changing his view of himself as
a 'naughty boy', by focusing on good behaviour when it occurs. Do this
without any reference to anyone else.
Describe
what you see without comparing
Instead of saying:
'Even your little brother can eat without making such a mess.'
Say:
'The jam is dripping off your knife onto the table.'
Describe
what you feel referring only to his behaviour
Instead of saying:
'You've got such nice manners, unlike your sister.'
Say:
'I was very pleased when you thanked Grandma so nicely for the gift.'
Describe what you expect
Instead of saying:
'Your brother doesn't need to be told twenty times to wash up.'
Say:
'I expect you to do the washing up immediately after dinner.'
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