Over-Competitive Teenage Siblings
If one of your children is very jealous and competitive towards their
sibling, can you assume they'll grow out of it?
It's often the eldest child, who may feel threatened
and challenged in areas they used to be 'best at'. It's pretty galling
to have your younger brother or sister come out with the answer, before
you've had a chance to think about the question!
Is 'the baby' catching up?
Older children get used to being best
at everything. As children get older, difference in their ages matters
less and the younger ones start to catch up. Is a younger sibling catching
up with - maybe surpassing - an older one?
What's the problem?
The first step is to understand what
lies behind competitive behaviour. Listen to complaints - they will reveal
the feelings underneath. If the eldest feels they've lost 'prime position'
look out for comments like 'You're such a know-all' or 'You think you're
better than everyone.' One child may belittle another's achievements ('anyone
could do that') or avoid competing where victory is not guaranteed.
Don't make comparisons between them, and discourage
high-achievers from gloating.
What to do
Parents often over-emphasise the importance
of academic achievement. Many children feel less able than their siblings,
because they don't do as well at school. School is only one area of your
child's life and shouldn't determine their self worth. Everyone has special
qualities and talents and each of your children have qualities that are
different from their siblings'. Is he or she artistic, practical, a good
cook, a natural comic, a great socialiser or sporty? Help competitive
children by identifing their strengths and developing their confidence
in their own unique abilities. Make sure they understands that - though
different - their talents are equally valued by you.
Are you expectations of the older child too
high?
Research suggests a boy with an older
sister is often spoiled and babied by their mother and his sister resents
it. It is very easy for parents to over-estimate the maturity of their
first born, especially if she is a girl. Compared with a younger brother,
a 'big sister' may seem very capable. This doesn't mean she wouldn't occasionally
like to be indulged and spoiled like her brother! If your family fits
this pattern, make an effort, lower your expectations and give her some
of the spoiling he gets.
|
