Teen Siblings: So They're STILL Squabbling?
It's normal for siblings to fight over everything and anything. Identify
the triggers and deal with them and enjoy a quieter life.
Watch any young primates at play and you'll see
lots of rough and tumble. It's harmless. Boys in particular enjoy this
kind of play. Unless you judge they are likely to hurt themselves, let
them get on with it. If the noise drives you crazy, find yourself a quiet
place or send them outside.
When horseplay gets out of hand
They are now getting bigger and stronger
than they realise. Horseplay of this type can sometimes get out of hand
and turn to 'real' fighting. If you're not sure if it's real fighting
or a game, check it out by asking 'Is this a play-fight or is it real?'
Play-fights can sometimes be disguised bullying. Parents may dismiss it
as just fun but to the poor child who is getting hammered it's anything
but!
Tired and irritable?
Do they seem to fight more at the end
of the day, when they are tired and irritable? If so, plan evening activities
to help them wind down. Watching television, (avoid violent and aggressive
programmes) playing on a computer or listening to music are all suitable
low-key activities.
Why do they fight?
Deal with the things that cause the most
persistent fights. If it's about possessions, make them establish rules
about sharing. If it's about space, let them divide their shared space
in an agreed way. Don't you introduce the rules make them work it out
for themselves. That way they are more likely to stick to it.
Be firm
Parents need some time to themselves
at the end of the day. Be firm that once he is in bed, he stays there.
If he comes down, take his hand and lead him back to bed without saying
anything. If he comes down again, repeat the procedure. It is important
that your son understands that you need time for yourself.
Chemistry
Between brothers and sisters, there are
sometimes personality clashes that make it difficult for them to get along
together. You can't alter the way they react to each other but explain
how disturbing it is for the rest of the family. Tell them the rest of
the family want a quiet life. Ask them to sort out their disagreements
and agree a workable compromise. You may have to act as referee at first
but eventually you should be able to trust them to do it on their own.
You're not the boss!
Older children come to assume that they
have certain rights, because of their age. They may like to boss the younger
child and be the leader at everything. This works fine with an easy-going
younger sibling or if there is a large age gap. With a small age gap or
a more assertive child, the older child's supremacy will be challenged,
sometimes with fists.
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