They're probably the three words no mother wants to hear from her teenage daughter, but if your daughter has just announced she's pregnant, what can you do to support them? Nicolette Heaton-Harris, author of Teenage Pregnancy: A Parent’s Guide offers advice to shellshocked parents.

There are three ways you may learn your teenage daughter is pregnant - suspecting it yourself, having her tell you or having someone else tell you.

If we're realistic, it's really not the news any parent wants to hear from their teenage child. You have dreams for them and their futures. They have hopes themselves. And understandably, you want the best for them and cannot foresee how getting pregnant is going to be a good thing.

So what do you do? You may be in shock. You may be angry and want to rage about it. You may want to know who the father is so you can go round and give him a piece of your mind or report him to the police for having sex with a minor. But will any of this make your daughter feel better? Because, no matter how you may feel right now, you're going to have to try and put those feelings to one side for a moment, and try and focus on what you can do for the best. For your daughter.

What's the best thing to do?

• Remain calm
• Keep lines of communication open
• Ensure your daughter can feel that she can come and talk to you about this
• Educate yourself about her choices (abortion, adoption, keeping the baby)
• Take her to her doctor for a thorough check-up
• Remember that she may be feeling just as scared and as anxious as you are
• Ask her what she wants to do

This last choice is the most difficult. You don't want your daughter to make a rash, uneducated decision about something that will affect her life for the rest of her life.

Abortion
If she decides on abortion, the questions you'll need to address are whether she...

• understands what happens?
• is prepared for any possible emotional distress
• knows there are risks, albeit minor and uncommon (according to the NHS) to future fertility?
• knows it's the right choice for her?

Adoption
If she decides on adoption, will she...

• Learn about the different kinds of adoption available?
• Want the child to know who she is?
• Want to maintain contact with the adoptive family?
• Be able to go through the birth process and then give that baby away?
• Know it's the right choice for her?

Keeping The Baby
If your daughter decides to keep the baby, the questions you'll need to ask are...

• Is she able to look after it herself?
• Will she be responsible for this new life?
• Will she want to continue her education afterwards?
• Does she want to involve the baby's father?
• Does she have the support of her family and friends?
• Will she be able to afford a baby?
• Does she have a place to live?
• Does she know it's the right choice for her?

None of this is simple. In the beginning, it's all very frightening and overwhelming. Not only for you, but also for your daughter. You may worry about people finding out, or worrying about telling her school. She may decide to keep the father's identity a secret which in turn might leave you angry or frustrated.

Put those feelings to one side for now. Deal with them later. It's your daughter who is important right now, not what you're feeling. You can deal with you in your own time. Focus on helping her and educating yourself and your daughter on all of the options and above all…keep talking and give her a hug.

Copyright 2007 Nicolette Heaton-Harris Adapted from Teenage Pregnancy: A Parent's Guide by Nicolette Heaton-Harris. Available from www.amazon.co.uk or directly from the publisher, ISBN 978-1-86144-046-4. Price £8.99 www.n2kbooks.com

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