When
Teenage Romance Goes Wrong
'Heaven knows I'm miserable now...'
Breaking
up, as the song tells us, is hard to do. So take your teenager seriously. If
your teenager is the person being finished with, it'll probably come as
a shock. If it's first time it's happened, this is probably the worst
it's ever going to get. Your teen is caught by surprise and hasn't got
the experience to know the world isn't coming to an end.
If
your teenager is the one ending the relationship, it can still be tricky.
Indecision can lead to much to-ing and fro-ing. Reconcilliations often
end in tears as the previously wronged party goes for the brutal 'revenge
chuck'.
Things
to watch out for
A broken heart can show itself in different ways. Some are silly, some
are risky. If your teenager feels personally responsible for the breakup,
it can lead to self-harming behaviour. If her or she feels wronged and
angry, equally destructive revenge may be on the agenda. This is usually
a short-lived phase but it can be dangerous if your teenager feels driven
to extreme behaviour.
Keep
a close eye out for the following:
- Alcohol and/or drug abuse
- No social life... Don't want to run
into the ex
- Bad-mouthing... Fair enough, but too
much character assasination can alienate mutual friends
- Depression
- Eating disorders... Your teen's image
has taken a knock
- Overworking... Burying themselves in
homework or revision
- Self-harm... 'Punishing' self for the
split
- Sleeping around... 'If you don't want
me, look who does'
- 'Stalking' behaviour...
Not only a bad idea but actually illegal
- Truancy... Especially if the ex is
at the same school
Physical
symptoms of heartbreak
- Bad skin
- Insomnia
- Loss of appetite
- Nightmares
- Panic attacks
- Puffy eyes
- Weight loss
How does it feel?
Miserable. Your teen has been rejected. Some teenagers feel that they have failed - remind them relationships aren't like exams. Sometimes a friend may have come between them, in which case your teenager will have to deal with the betrayal of their friendship as well. If you - or their friends - disapproved of their relationship, your teen may feel humiliated and embarrassed about discussing it, after defending their choice for so long.
Things that help
Dissuade your daughter from having an impulsive haircut. There's something about breakups that make girls feel compelled to get 1" crops. She can always do it later if she still wants do but what's done in haste can't be undone. A facial or aromatherapy massage can boost a girl's morale. New clothes work well for both sexes.
Photos of your own ex boy/girlfriends are good for instilling a sense of perspective. Your teen will find these photos hysterically funny so remember to tell them how much you adored the unfortunates at the time.
Be less strict about curfews - encourage them to get out and meet new people, not just potential boy/girlfriends. Now's the time for treats, attention, pizza, chocolate and small indulgences like later bedtimes.
Getting over it
Friends rapidly lose patience with lovesick teenagers so try and be there to listen. As a rule, teenage boys are most unsympathetic to their mate's woes. Dumped boys often prefer the company of women, as women are often better at talking about feelings. Be optimistic. A break-up can be the impetus for self-improvement. And, if you handle it well now, it'll be easier for your teen to cope next time.
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