'My 16 yr-old son wants to invite his girlfriend to stay overnight.'

'Her parents allow them to share the same bed when he spends the night at her house. When the girl comes to our house, I insist on separate rooms, and my son and I are arguing over it.'

Not under your roof? This is a common flashpoint in many families during a child's adolescent years.

Different generation...
... different expectations
Whether you like it or not, your son and his girlfriend are having sex. If you ban it under your roof, they will go to her house. Your son seems able to talk to you about his relationship and that suggests open and trusting communication between you.

Cast your mind back to when you were 16. How much nerve would it have taken to so much as mention sex to your own parents? Times have changed; 16 yr-old boys do have sex with their girlfriends and they do expect parents to accept it. It is difficult for many parents to recognise that their teenagers are sexual beings, especially if they make comparisons with their own youth. Will it be all right when they are 18? 19? 21? Or only when your son is married?

Concentrate on important issues
One of the best arguments for allowing teenagers to sleep together at home is that you know where your son is, what he's up to, and with whom. It also gives you a credible stance when addressing vital issues like contraception and protection from sexually transmitted diseases (which have increased among 16 to 19 yr-olds).

State your limits
You do not have to issue carte blanche. It's your house, and you have a right to feel comfortable and expect certain standards of behaviour. Talk to your son. If you agree, establish 'house rules' - for example, don't come down to breakfast in dressing gowns, don't colonise the kitchen, or whatever it is that would make you uncomfortable.

It's also best to explain that this particular decision has been made in the light of this particular girlfriend. If you fear that there may be a string of one-night stands, make sure he knows that this is far from acceptable to you.

Finally...
If you can't accept it under your roof, you are entitled to refuse. Explain that you feel he is too young; say what age (if any) would be appropriate. He is unlikely to agree with you and will be less open, so you must weigh up the advantages and disadvantages for yourself.