Arguing
With Teenagers? What NOT To Say
Nobody can keep a cool head all the time but if you try and bear these
points in mind, family arguments can end quicker and be patched up sooner.
When
arguing about something, don't launch an all-out attack on your teen's
appearance, behaviour or friends. Stick to the specific behaviour you
don't like and talk about that.
Talk
about what your teen does, not what he is
Stick to the specific behaviour you don't like and talk about that. Be
emphatic about what you expect and what you feel, but stay cool. A polite
request stating your own position is more likely to have an effect than
name-calling.
Don't say...
'You're so selfish, you never think of other people, playing that awful
music at all hours of the night.'
Do say...
'I want some peace late at night and so do the neighbours. Please can
you turn off your music after eleven o'clock so we can get some sleep.'
Avoid
'always' and 'never'
Usually when people lose their tempers, they tend to overstate their case.
Avoid saying 'you always' and 'you never'. (You never clean up after yourself;
you always lie to me; you never do enough work to get good marks; you
always look a mess.) Your teenager knows that it is unjust and only occasionally
true and will bitterly resent it. 'Tell me how bad I am, but don't be
surprised if I get worse' is a likely response.
Don't say 'you' - say 'I'
Instead of saying 'You are totally irresponsible'
say 'I was very worried when you stayed out so late without letting me
know.' Or instead of saying 'You are such a slob' say, 'I don't like it
when I come into the kitchen and find a sink full of your dirty dishes.
I want you to wash them up now'.
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