Arguing With Teenagers
Unless you and your teenager are saints, at times you will lose your
temper at each other and say things that you regret. Always apologise if you are in the wrong. It's a good lesson to learn.
Stay
calm and in control
When two people lose their temper and start to shout at each other, the
possibility of sorting out the problem that caused the argument disappears.
In anger, things are often said that are best left unsaid. Shouting makes
it harder to listen, not easier, but if one person stays cool and in control,
the other person is likely to cool down as well.
Don't always be the winner
Sometimes you are right, but it's best
not to say 'I told you so'. What if your daughter leaves her bank card
and PIN number together? When they are stolen, she'll know it was a stupid
thing to do and will appreciate the fact that you don't remind her.
Talk about what your teen does, not what he is
When arguing about something, don't launch an all-out attack on your teen's appearance, behaviour or friends. Stick to the specific behaviour you don't like and talk about that. Stick to the specific behaviour you don't like and talk about that. Be emphatic about what you expect and what you feel, but stay cool. A polite request stating your own position is more likely to have an effect than name-calling.
Don't say...
'You're so selfish, you never think of other people, playing that awful music at all hours of the night.'
Do say...
'I want some peace late at night and so do the neighbours. Please can you turn off your music after eleven o'clock so we can get some sleep.'
Avoid 'always' and 'never'
Usually when people lose their tempers, they tend to overstate their case. Avoid saying 'you always' and 'you never'. (You never clean up after yourself; you always lie to me; you never do enough work to get good marks; you always look a mess.) Your teenager knows that it is unjust and only occasionally true and will bitterly resent it. 'Tell me how bad I am, but don't be surprised if I get worse' is a likely response.
Don't say 'you' - say 'I'
Instead of saying 'You are totally irresponsible' say 'I was very worried when you stayed out so late without letting me know.' Or instead of saying 'You are such a slob' say, 'I don't like it when I come into the kitchen and find a sink full of your dirty dishes. I want you to wash them up now'.
|
