Communicating
With Teens: Neutralising Flashpoints
Everyone has certain topics that set their teeth on edge, make their
blood boil, and just, inevitably, wind them up.
These
topics are prime triggers for arguments. But if you can see them coming,
how can you stop them?
I
can't stand it...
The list of things parents can't stand is very long. It includes haircuts,
hair colour, hair length, piercings, tattoos, clothes, friends, music
and a lot more. For a young person, these things are a statement of identity
and a sign of belonging to a peer group. These things are very important
to your teenager; are they really important to you?
If
they're not, ignore them. There will be lots of battles to fight with
your teenager, so choose the ones worth fighting. Compromise on small
things; establish ways of negotiating about what is allowed; you don't
always have to be the winner. Do these things and you will be in a strong
position to influence your teenager on important issues like school and
health.
I can't deal with it...
Sometimes a particular problem can really
irritate you to the extent that you can't deal with it rationally. Smoking
may be the one thing you cannot tolerate. Some dads get furious when their
little girl appears plastered with makeup. If you know you'll find it
hard to stay calm, try handing over to another person who may have a different
and more productive approach.
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