This is what it all comes down to - holding on to what's important to you and learning to be flexible on lesser things.

Show yourself prepared to understand your teen's viewpoint and she will be more likely to understand yours.

Just say 'no'? Not always
If you say 'no' to everything, you will only increase your teen's rebelliousness. Listen, discuss and give a little and you will get credit for being flexible. Does it really matter how your son wears his hair if he works hard at school? If your daughter has several rings in her ears, but is obliging and respectful to you, give her some credit.

Show respect
Accept your children for what they are. Don't comment negatively on their clothes, hair, weight, music or taste in television. Show respect for their opinions even if you disagree. Don't try to change them into something you want them to be. A useful trick is to imagine they are someone else's teenager and ask yourself, 'Would I say that if it wasn't my son or daughter?' If the answer is 'No', then don't say it.

Avoid being fired as a parent
Most teenagers want to stay friends with their parents and value their guidance. At the same time, they want recognition that they are becoming adults and ask to be treated as such.

Learning to relax your control
Teenagers want to take control of their own lives. Parents often feel anxious and try to retain their control, believing their teenagers are too young for the kinds of freedoms they want. Conflicts of this type are most common between 13 and 16 years of age. Parents are often forced into more authoritarian measures to retain their control, while their teens get more frustrated at the restrictions on their freedom.

Making Concessions
Parent's fears are justified. The world is full of dangers and temptations but, sooner or later, teens will have to deal with the world without parental help. Let go slowly. Freedoms are won over time, when you're confident that your teen is sufficiently mature. This will be the sticking point, since she will undoubtedly think herself mature enough long before you do.

It helps if you are prepared to make some concessions. If everyone else is allowed out unsupervised on Saturday afternoon then let your 13 yr-old go. But going out unsupervised late on Saturday night - no matter who else is allowed to - is a step too far.