What
Teenagers Want From You
Despite the bravado and the mantra 'It's my life', your teenager still
needs your support, your understanding, and finally freedom.
Remember,
underneath the clothes, make-up, hair or whatever it is you don't like,
they are still the same person. They may talk a lot about freedom but
they are still making the transition to adulthood, and want your help
and guidance on the way.
Your Love And Support
Teenagers struggle with identity: What
do other people think about me? What do I believe in? The list of things
teens worry about is long - appearance, popularity, lack of confidence,
the future. Friends are very important and rejection or criticism by the
peer group is hurtful and leads to feelings of uncertainty and lack of
self-worth. At the same time, they are put under increasing pressure to
succeed academically. When crises occur, your teenager needs you to believe
in him.
Someone To Listen
The one skill a parent of a teenager needs above all others is the ability to listen. Parents should use their ears and mouth in proportion - listen twice as much as you speak and try to understand the situation from your teenager's point of view.
'Listen' doesn't mean 'agree'
This doesn't mean you will agree with or accept everything your teen says. You will still have your own viewpoint, but by listening you show a willingness to try to understand.
Listen to me and I'll listen to you
If your teen seems likely to make a decision you don't like, don't give unsolicited advice, criticise, lecture or boss. If it's not an important decision, then you will get credit for listening and accepting your teen's right to make up her own mind. This will stand you in good stead when a really important decision is under discussion. The fact that you listen to her will encourage her to listen to you and maybe she will be influenced by what you have to say.
Letting go
When your child learned to ride a bicycle, the time came to let go of the saddle, even though you feared your child might fall off and hurt himself. Similarly, as a parent of a teen, you have to let go and take the risk that your teenager will make a mistake. Experience is the best teacher. All of us learn from the consequences of our decisions. Without this learning, your teenager won't become a fully functioning independent adult.
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