Teenagers And Divorce
They're taller than you are, out past midnight and know how to programme
the video better than you do.
Teenagers may seem mature but often take the
breakup of their family home very badly.They
may blame one or both parents and can be very censorious if a third party
is involved.
Understand
their sadness
Your children may be angry that their family is breaking up and may blame
one or both of you. Let them express their feelings despite the fact that
it makes you feel guilty and defensive.
Answer
their questions
There are some things your children don't need to know about. Issues about
money, property, or other relationships don't concern them. They will,
however, have a number of questions that should be dealt with among all
of you: Where will we live? Who will we live with? What about school?
They may have fears about the effect of the divorce
on their standard of living: Will I still be able to go on holiday? To
university? Will we have to move to a smaller house? Decide these things
in advance. Don't fight about them in front of the children.
Find another shoulder to cry on
Try not to vent your anger to your teenager, even if you are the 'wronged party'. They may seem old enough to confide in, they may even accept the news calmly and not appear upset, but don't turn them against their other parent. Your children love you both and won't want to take sides, so don't undermine their other parent.
It's difficult to bottle up the hurt and rejection you may feel, but find another shoulder to cry on, not your teenager's. You are the adult and should resist burdening your teenagers with your pain. They have their own feelings to deal with and need support from you.
Set a good example for managing conflict
Divorce handled well can be a lesson in how to manage the changes life brings. Teenagers whose parents have divorced on good terms can learn to approach difficulties with courage and optimism. They may learn to see problems as challenges which - although hurtful and unsettling - can be resolved.
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