How do you handle the situation when your teenager thinks they're ready to sleep with their boyfriend but you think otherwise? In this extract from our archives, parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, advises.

Raisingkids member's problem
I live with my fiancee about 70 miles away from my 14 yr-old daughter, who lives with her mum and her mum's long-term partner.

My daughter has just got a boyfriend and told her mum that she's experimented with sex with other boys and intends to sleep with this (older) boyfriend. This is the opposite story to what she told my fiancee - that she wants sex to be special and doesn't want to be easy! I've already had a chat with her about sex in general and I've told her what I think in no uncertain terms but I'm really worried she's getting involved in this far too early.

Dr Spungin's advice
She's telling each of you a different story but my guess is that she's telling her mum the truth. She appears to be telling your fiancee what she knows you want to hear. I agree it's probably too early to be experimenting with sex, but from what she's told her mum it would appear she's has made up her mind.

What, then, is the next step? Can you stop her having sex? Sadly, I think not. She knows your views but when she's away from you (as she is, most of the time), will she follow your advice? She's below the age of consent and her boyfriend (especially if he's older) is technically breaking the law.

If she does have sex, the most important thing is to make sure she doesn't get pregnant or contract a sexually transmitted disease. In this respect, it's a good thing your daughter feels able to talk openly to her mother, as she'll be able to advise her.

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