Parenting expert and child psychologist Dr Pat Spungin, CEO of Raisingkids.co.uk, explains how to steer adolescents away from sweets and towards a healthier lifestyle.

Raisingkids member's problem
My 14 yr-old daughter is slightly overweight. She finds it difficult to wear the clothes she wants to but doesn't seem to make the connection with the amount of sweets she eats.

If I raise the subject of food when we're shopping it causes an argument but I don't know how to approach it otherwise. I've encouraged her to come to an exercise class with me (or a friend) but she's not keen. Recently, she's been avoiding breakfast but still has plenty of sweet wrappers in her schoolbag. I thought about taking her to a nutritionist to help with skin and hair - have you any other ideas?

Dr Spungin's advice
Firstly, is her weight affecting her health? Work out her BMI (Body Mass Index, which takes into account important factors like age and gender as well as height and weight) to see if she's within normal, healthy range. If she's not medically overweight, don't worry. She'll do something about it when she wants to. As the mother of two daughters, I know both of them went through a phase around their 15th birthdays when they were 'slightly overweight'. Now they're both well within the healthy range.

Right now, the main problem seems to be that she isn't eating breakfast but she's still eating sweets, which are bad for her teeth and have no nutritional value. How many sweets is she eating? Is it enough to make a serious difference to her weight? How should you approach her about this?

Aim to give her the sense that it's her decision to make and importantly, even if it's the wrong decision (in your opinion) don't say anything. Don't appear critical. She knows eating too many sweets is the wrong thing to do. She doesn't need you to point it out. I've found that a good way to do this is to imagine you're talking to someone else's child - that way, you can be much more relaxed and not sound judgmental. I suggest you start the conversation by saying something like 'I've noticed you've stopped eating breakfast. Why's that?'

My guess is she'll say she's not hungry in the morning. Follow up by asking her if she becomes hungry mid-morning - what does she eat then? If it's confectionery, say nothing about the sweets but ask her if she wants to take something more nutritious from home instead.

Stay calm, try to have a low key discussion. If it ends in shouting, just leave it and try again another time. Don't nag. Also, don't check her bag to see if she's eating sweets as it'll probably make the situation worse - how would you like someone going through your bag? Just try to bring the temperature down until you can have a real conversation. Good luck, and let me know how you get on.

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