Parenting
Teens: Listening Is An Active Process
Listening is the one thing that teenagers wish their parents would
do more of. Listening is not the same as hearing.
Parent:
'I hear what you say.'
Son: 'Yes, but you're not listening.'
Listening
is not the same as agreeing
As you listen to your teen, you may realise that you are never going to
agree with him. But don't stop listening. When he has finished, state
briefly and unemotionally what you think he has said. Then get him to
agree that you have properly understood. Then tell him that you do understand,
but you still don't agree. He won't like it; he will probably accuse you
of not listening, but at least you have done him the courtesy of listening
properly and it is possible that you'll get some credit for that.
Don't
let your feelings block your ears
There are many emotional 'triggers' that can stop us from listening. Talking
about drugs and sex is difficult and, instead of listening, parents easily
fall into the trap of lecturing and warning. Chances are, your teen has
heard the lecture and had the warning already. What he wants is information
and advice about something that concerns him. When you feel angry, worried
or anxious about what you are hearing, make a conscious effort to control
your feelings and listen.
On
a more positive note, more often than not, active listening allows you
to see some of the logic and value in the other person's point of view.
Assuming right is not all on one side, you can then negotiate to reach
a compromise.
We have two ears and one mouth.
We should use them in proportion.
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