Get
Messy Teens To Pull Their Weight!
Do you feel like you're always wading knee-deep through your teenager's
discarded clothes and dirty plates?
Does
it drive you mad to see the mess in your teenager's bedroom? If you clean
it up do you find that far from being grateful, your teen is annoyed that
his space has been invaded!
Save
your breath!
Nagging and badgering your teenager about his untidy room, is exhausting
and generally does not produce results. The room is unappealing, it's
untidy but it's not life threatening. So forget about the mess, close
the door and save your breath for more important arguments with your teenager.
Say
what your minimum standards are
Make a distinction between their space and space the family shares. A
teenager's room is private space. ('My room, my mess, my business') Don't
intrude but make it clear that the rest of the house is everyone's space.
A messy room can be a health hazard or fire risk. Smells, smoke or vermin
will affect the whole family! Set clear boundaries; say what you expect,
though it's probably far below your usual standards, for example, no smoking,
all food cleared up and binned and lamps, hairdryers etc kept in safe
places, to avoid the possibility of fire.
Rules
for family space
Don't make general pleas for help, ask them to do specific tasks and check
they have done it. Work out rules they can accept, which meet your minimum
requirements. In the kitchen for example, state clearly your expectation
that when they have made themselves something to eat, they clean up after
themselves, (including the pots) and wipe down the surfaces. Stress that
the kitchen is everyone's space and each person has the responsibility
of keeping it clean. Ask who will clear up their mess if they don't.
Don't give in and do it yourself
Don't do it yourself, leave them to it.
If you always tidy up after them, they get used to it. Let them take the
consequences of their untidiness. If your son can't find his football
socks because it's still in the pile of clothing on the floor, then so
be it. If your daughter's favourite t-shirt got mauled by the cat because
she left it on her bedroom floor for days, serves her right. Consequences
are the best teacher. They will appreciate what you do for them all the
more, when they realise the effort it involves to do it themselves.
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